Good for you sharing something so personal, which will help all the others following you on The Preparation. I used to feel lonely when younger and alone and that led me into some behaviours and situations I prefer not to think about! However after years of being in two great relationships and bringing up two amazing young adults, I just feel peaceful now rather than alone. The work you are doing now will mean you will never be bored and the community you are building with your posts will also help - a global community of new friends, young and old. Good job so far!
Dude, I hear you about the loneliness. About a third of my time while Jack-Kerouacking around Europe for six months in 1980/81, I had no friends around me, no cell phone to text or call anyone from home or from my first two years of college. Often, no one even spoke English and my French and Spanish were very marginal.
And once i got back in the states, worked about three months at home and then at 21 took a good paying construction job in rural Kansas for six months thru the winter. That was even lonelier than any part of the Europa trip. Aaaaargh.
That shit is hard. But there is a payoff. It may not feel like it now, but your inner resources are building up like muscles after a workout. When you get this behind you, you will look back at how you sustained your forward motion without requiring someone else's approval or support.
Coming back from Europa and then coming back from Kansas, both times at home and after that, I felt invincible. I felt like anything hard that was in front of me, was just a thing. I could just f*cking do it. No question. And I knew I had done many hard things in the past and could overcome any of them in the future.
Also, in Kansas, I read all three volumes of Aleksander Solhzynitsens book "Gulag Archipelago." Russians trapped in the Soviet prison system on trumped up charges for decades. That was some evil shit. I read those three very long books, with the specific goal of reminding myself that there are many people who had a worse life than i did.
Bonus: all the introspection I did while lonely, especially revisiting how my relationships with women had turned out, helped me craft a better sense of self and a better way of dealing with other people. I was clearly a changed man...as on the drive home from Kansas, through Wisconsin, Canada, New England, DC and home to Beaufort, SC, three, count 'em, three women I'd had crushes on over the years decided the time was right to lure me into their beds. Not feeling lonely then. Nosiree.
Your mileage may vary.
But persevering through anything hard will payoff. But we can't always predict what form the payoff will take!
The experience you're having has much more applicability to real life than anything you'd experience in college. College, if anything, does a massive disservice because it perpetuates infantilization at worst, and at best it still retards the skills of adulthood - whether that's cooking your own meals or learning how to do hard, lonely things. (Almost every ambitious path fits that description).
But that is just preaching to the choir in this comment section.
Particularly as the guinea pig, you are in a unique category of self-creation.
The first time I read this quote or saw the statue, I overlooked the fact that there is no audience, nor is there any helper. The white space, or the absence, says as much as the words and the visual does.
I find these updates (and those of others who are pursuing The Preparation) very useful and encouraging. My daughter and I are working on her post-high school plan. She is leaning heavily toward an intentional gap year (at a minimum), and we’re also thinking carefully about what The Preparation would look like for her if she pursues that path. Keep going…there is definitely something to learn through the loneliness. Thanks for sharing your experience.
Your article is perfect timing, as usual. Abbott and I were just discussing the nature of being lonely…striking out to accomplish new things often requires leaving the comfort of company behind. And also the nature of being introverted, and introspective…wanting alone time to recharge and reflect, but then realizing you’ve carved out a lonely space for yourself.
Yes, your updates are interesting, useful, educational and entertaining. I'm old and don't get out much or travel any longer, so it is fun to follow your travels and see what you are up to. You have come long way in a short time. Your writing has improved greatly as well. Really impressive.
As far as will it work?
I have no idea. I guess it all boils down to what you make of it. I don't see anything you have done that would not be useful to you. You will have more real-world education than a dozen run-of-the-mill college kids.
I am not much of a reader. I like historical material like old 16mm film, photos, magazines, catalogs, etc. So, I learn through that medium. I had never heard of L'Amour's book, so I asked Google for a synopsis of it.
"Education of a Wandering Man: A Memoir" is the autobiography of legendary Western storyteller Louis L'Amour. Published in 1989, the book documents how he left school at 15 to roam the globe, dedicating his life to self-education, voracious reading, and gathering real-world experiences to become a master writer.
Themes:
The World as a Classroom: After leaving his hometown of Jamestown, North Dakota, L'Amour bypassed formal schooling to learn through hands-on experience. He worked as a cattle skinner in Texas, a bare-knuckle prizefighter, a merchant seaman, and a hobo riding freight trains.
A Voracious Appetite for Reading: Despite his lack of formal education, L'Amour was a scholar of life. Whether in the sweltering heat of the Mojave Desert or docked in Singapore, he traveled with pockets and knapsacks full of books, reading up to 100 titles a year.
Hard-Won Wisdom: The memoir highlights how his encounters with prospectors, cowboys, and global sailors shaped his understanding of human nature. It details his near-death trek across the Mojave and his eventual service in World War II, both of which provided fodder for his extensive fiction.
The Appendix: The book famously concludes with an appendix containing detailed lists of the actual books he read during his wandering years in the 1930s, offering a blueprint for self-directed learning.
end
------
Sounds just like what you are doing! I wonder if "The Preparation" was based on it? Well, keep learning and enjoying life. And as long as you brought up L'Amour's memoir, when you talk to Doug, tell him to write his memoirs.
As a practical matter....your peers have plenty of socializing to do in the dorm or after work. But your path is kind of different, But there are young people who are on the Preparation quest and perhaps feeling the same way. I belong to some groups that get together once a month on Zoom to swap stories and kivetch. Maybe y'all could do that? Even if it were only a small number and maybe it could be every other week or whatever was doable??
Good for you sharing something so personal, which will help all the others following you on The Preparation. I used to feel lonely when younger and alone and that led me into some behaviours and situations I prefer not to think about! However after years of being in two great relationships and bringing up two amazing young adults, I just feel peaceful now rather than alone. The work you are doing now will mean you will never be bored and the community you are building with your posts will also help - a global community of new friends, young and old. Good job so far!
Dude, I hear you about the loneliness. About a third of my time while Jack-Kerouacking around Europe for six months in 1980/81, I had no friends around me, no cell phone to text or call anyone from home or from my first two years of college. Often, no one even spoke English and my French and Spanish were very marginal.
And once i got back in the states, worked about three months at home and then at 21 took a good paying construction job in rural Kansas for six months thru the winter. That was even lonelier than any part of the Europa trip. Aaaaargh.
That shit is hard. But there is a payoff. It may not feel like it now, but your inner resources are building up like muscles after a workout. When you get this behind you, you will look back at how you sustained your forward motion without requiring someone else's approval or support.
Coming back from Europa and then coming back from Kansas, both times at home and after that, I felt invincible. I felt like anything hard that was in front of me, was just a thing. I could just f*cking do it. No question. And I knew I had done many hard things in the past and could overcome any of them in the future.
Also, in Kansas, I read all three volumes of Aleksander Solhzynitsens book "Gulag Archipelago." Russians trapped in the Soviet prison system on trumped up charges for decades. That was some evil shit. I read those three very long books, with the specific goal of reminding myself that there are many people who had a worse life than i did.
Bonus: all the introspection I did while lonely, especially revisiting how my relationships with women had turned out, helped me craft a better sense of self and a better way of dealing with other people. I was clearly a changed man...as on the drive home from Kansas, through Wisconsin, Canada, New England, DC and home to Beaufort, SC, three, count 'em, three women I'd had crushes on over the years decided the time was right to lure me into their beds. Not feeling lonely then. Nosiree.
Your mileage may vary.
But persevering through anything hard will payoff. But we can't always predict what form the payoff will take!
:-)
You just finished three terrific books.
The experience you're having has much more applicability to real life than anything you'd experience in college. College, if anything, does a massive disservice because it perpetuates infantilization at worst, and at best it still retards the skills of adulthood - whether that's cooking your own meals or learning how to do hard, lonely things. (Almost every ambitious path fits that description).
But that is just preaching to the choir in this comment section.
Instead I'll share this quote/ image - https://media.licdn.com/dms/image/v2/D5622AQGpby2G2F57-w/feedshare-shrink_800/feedshare-shrink_800/0/1704226225043?e=2147483647&v=beta&t=BUZGKmRhhOvtNmS3jh2blW20Y_jVeexXuvEXzF1e5Nw
Particularly as the guinea pig, you are in a unique category of self-creation.
The first time I read this quote or saw the statue, I overlooked the fact that there is no audience, nor is there any helper. The white space, or the absence, says as much as the words and the visual does.
Excellent quote. You’re exactly right.
Thank you for sharing the challenges as well as successes.
I find these updates (and those of others who are pursuing The Preparation) very useful and encouraging. My daughter and I are working on her post-high school plan. She is leaning heavily toward an intentional gap year (at a minimum), and we’re also thinking carefully about what The Preparation would look like for her if she pursues that path. Keep going…there is definitely something to learn through the loneliness. Thanks for sharing your experience.
Your article is perfect timing, as usual. Abbott and I were just discussing the nature of being lonely…striking out to accomplish new things often requires leaving the comfort of company behind. And also the nature of being introverted, and introspective…wanting alone time to recharge and reflect, but then realizing you’ve carved out a lonely space for yourself.
I would love to hear what you think about the books that you have finished.
I’ll keep that in mind and write a short summary for each one.
Yes, your updates are interesting, useful, educational and entertaining. I'm old and don't get out much or travel any longer, so it is fun to follow your travels and see what you are up to. You have come long way in a short time. Your writing has improved greatly as well. Really impressive.
As far as will it work?
I have no idea. I guess it all boils down to what you make of it. I don't see anything you have done that would not be useful to you. You will have more real-world education than a dozen run-of-the-mill college kids.
I am not much of a reader. I like historical material like old 16mm film, photos, magazines, catalogs, etc. So, I learn through that medium. I had never heard of L'Amour's book, so I asked Google for a synopsis of it.
"Education of a Wandering Man: A Memoir" is the autobiography of legendary Western storyteller Louis L'Amour. Published in 1989, the book documents how he left school at 15 to roam the globe, dedicating his life to self-education, voracious reading, and gathering real-world experiences to become a master writer.
Themes:
The World as a Classroom: After leaving his hometown of Jamestown, North Dakota, L'Amour bypassed formal schooling to learn through hands-on experience. He worked as a cattle skinner in Texas, a bare-knuckle prizefighter, a merchant seaman, and a hobo riding freight trains.
A Voracious Appetite for Reading: Despite his lack of formal education, L'Amour was a scholar of life. Whether in the sweltering heat of the Mojave Desert or docked in Singapore, he traveled with pockets and knapsacks full of books, reading up to 100 titles a year.
Hard-Won Wisdom: The memoir highlights how his encounters with prospectors, cowboys, and global sailors shaped his understanding of human nature. It details his near-death trek across the Mojave and his eventual service in World War II, both of which provided fodder for his extensive fiction.
The Appendix: The book famously concludes with an appendix containing detailed lists of the actual books he read during his wandering years in the 1930s, offering a blueprint for self-directed learning.
end
------
Sounds just like what you are doing! I wonder if "The Preparation" was based on it? Well, keep learning and enjoying life. And as long as you brought up L'Amour's memoir, when you talk to Doug, tell him to write his memoirs.
Good luck!
As a practical matter....your peers have plenty of socializing to do in the dorm or after work. But your path is kind of different, But there are young people who are on the Preparation quest and perhaps feeling the same way. I belong to some groups that get together once a month on Zoom to swap stories and kivetch. Maybe y'all could do that? Even if it were only a small number and maybe it could be every other week or whatever was doable??
That would be a good idea. Definitely worth trying to do.